Outside looking in.....

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Posted on July 25 2019

Don’t you just wish you could see yourself through someone else’s eyes? Well someone that likes and sees the good in you. I have found myself saying this a lot lately when chatting with friends. Ironically in a week I was sent three separate messages which absolutely warmed my heart and they all said ‘I wish you could see you from my eyes’, WOW, that must be the universe’s nudge right? It really is something I wish we could all do. What do you think you would see? Would you like you? Would you change anything? Are you who you truly want to be?

I know I would be impressed and would really like Mel; I would want to be friends with Mel, impressed by the kindness and support she shows, the strong morals, values and that sense of humour, DAM yes, I want to have a vino and hang with that girl.

So why do we struggle to actually see this in ourselves? It’s becoming harder and harder to love ourselves and I am feeling it and seeing this in many others too.

Maybe it’s because we are subjected to so much falseness in our face daily so our expectations have become so unrealistic. We are watching others on social media in awe when they are really a complete contradiction of what you are seeing and hearing. People promote all sorts of things because they are given them or paid or its trending or some ‘big name’ is using it so people follow like sheep.

Flash homes are in fact often rented, that flash car is often leased, faces are injected, hair is extended, lashes are stuck on, skin is sprayed, nails false, make up well it’s a completely different person underneath and lastly smiles are posed. This is what we are looking at and it’s becoming unhealthy for our minds not to mention our children’s. We then go past a mirror and see our plain old self and in my case tired and run down from being a mum, wife, friend, teacher, business owner, the list goes on and on and we compare that reflection to what we have just seen scrolling. Lucky I am often behind in the housework these days so that mirror is a tad blurred.

Don’t get me wrong having some of those things are a great treat for and can make you feel like a princess when you get all glammed up for an occasion but it’s not normality, is it? I heard on the radio recently that the most common request young teen girls in Oz are asking to get for their formals now is lip injections, that really saddens me. Each to their own but that’s not a good start. These girls have no idea what is ahead with marriage and child birth followed by parenthood if they are blessed to have that and they are worried about the thickness of their lips NOW!!

I have taken a good long hard look at what I follow on social media and I have removed anything that makes me feel less than I should. Many others do this too and it really does make a huge difference. If you haven’t tried this, give it a go for yourself.

Something I do and I highly recommend because it has so much more meaning is instead of just hitting like button and commenting on all these platforms, actually invest your real time and energy into seeing people. You will create memories and they are far better for everyone than a few taps from behind a screen. Real friendships last, have meaning and bring so much joy.

‘Comparison is the thief of joy’ is the first page in the manual I give out in my beginner classes and you know what that is one of the hardest things to stop at times and it’s so darn true. When we start to compare, it never ends well and I have certainly learnt that the hard way. Sometimes people do that for you too and I think that is where some of mine started as many thought my work was similar to another tech who had years on me and many thought I was even trained under that tech, so I had that in the back of my mind a lot. At the time is was flattering but it certainly created a lot of pressure, who knows that may have been a good push but it did dull things a little also making me be incredibly judgmental of my own work rather than proud.

It doesn’t matter what industry you are in; you always have people wanting to be top dog, you have people cutting corners left right and centre and people overpowered by greed. At the end of the day as hard as that is to watch and as frustrating it is to deal with, it’s the ones who stay consistent, kind, focus on quality, their customers and truly show they have passion through their work and actions that will last the long run. ‘Be a Celine in a word of Britney’s!!’

It doesn’t have to be in your work, siblings or friends are often compared and that can be hard especially if you have worked really hard for something and others just seem to have things fall into their lap or maybe you have a sibling or friend who is doing really well at something and you feel low because it makes you feel like you are in the shadow or you aren’t putting enough value on what you’re doing.

I am generally a positive person and I love to lift others up where I can but you know what, I am also open, honest and a bit raw these days. Just speaking what I feel and know many others are thinking too is sometimes just bloody refreshing.

Let’s try something:

  • Seeing yourself from the outside, have a think about the first thing that comes to mind that you love; smile and be happy with that while you jot it down.
  • Have another think as to what advice you may give yourself; take that on board, jot that down.
  • Looking at your life so far what is something you achieved that fills you with pride? Feel that pride as you jot that down.
  • Physically we have at least one great asset, what is yours? Jot it down

My answers: Kindness, Mel just breathe, you’ve become the wonderful person you are after all the hurdles and your eyes are still sparkling as they will continue to do in this lifetime.

Keep those answers close and over the next few days, look at them and let’s hope they spark some more wonderful feelings and thoughts about you.

Life really can be tough at times and its hard to understand why especially when you are just trying to stay true to yourself and follow those dreams. Something I have learnt the hard way and I guess if it wasn’t for my amazing hubby, family, friends and clients is that it is OK not be OK and it is OK to reach out for help whatever it is. When you feel that heavy cloud, remember other people still see you for the wonderful person that you are and you will rise again.

MB x



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